Rocks in the Road

1. How is it possible to be successful with these rocks in the road?? 
   
   We all have moments in our lives that are out of our comfort zones. This illustration gives you some of those situations where we may be stalled in our tracks when confronting the rocks in the road. You can sometimes talk yourself out of a better future.  Have any of you prepared for a special day or event like a holiday or birthday. Your vision provides the way things should be for the day. But when we look at the rocks in the road we don’t use our vision to keep our motivation on the end result. When our focus is on the rocks we crash right into them.  When the rocks seem to be scary we allow the impression to keep us from overcoming steps toward our vision. 
   
   
   Simply when you talk to yourself with reactions and do not maintain your vision the result will cause a detour from your vision of what you have desired.  People who are successful have a mindset on what they want. Forethought brings success to you.  It is important to create a path for you to get around the obstacles. If you hold to the image you influence others to help you to succeed.  Your light cannot be extinguished. No one can keep you from your success. Nothing will get in your way!
   
   
   The difference at this moment is that I know you can do it. You must know you can do it.  Throughout our life we make investments but when do you invest in yourself? What are you waiting for? Don’t tell yourself you will do it tomorrow. It is important you find a person who shares your vision and have them become your coach. This person becomes your mentor and sounding board to keep you on the path toward success. 
   
   
   Forethought, what can you do to start. Start simply with what are you going to do when you get up in the morning, when you go somewhere check out road signs that make you think about what is coming up.  Do you mentally think about your day with logic and emotion? Forethought begins not just when you get up in the morning but will begin many days before. Keep the vision alive.
   
   Forethought is used at the Street School each week. The ills of life are many individuals who have no forethought, the light of a vision has been put out, and survival is just making it through another day.  Today, I agreed to begin to work with the homeless and people in need at an Open Door Mission to change lives. A key to changing a lifestyle is to begin journal writing.  What could a good journal reveal and guide you?
   
   
   A journal could record:
   Successes 
   Setbacks and how to overcome
   Life events
   Your beliefs
   Information from the day you have learned
   Feelings about situations
   The honesty of where you may be getting in the way of your success
   Establish goals and affirmations
   Positive Self Talk
   
   Date all your journal entries. You will begin to see your progress to achieve your vision.  Society in the past three years has been disrupted by a pandemic and a generation evolving that will be our new leadership. These lessons of life apply to us all. If you are a person who is reading this intro to success for both adults and youth and would like more information please don’t hesitate to contact me.
   email: gary@gcarlson-inc.com
   
   Start your journey to success today!
   
   

   

   Zeal versus Knowledge

   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

 

Accountability

By: Gary R. Carlson Ed.D.

On A Mission

As a U.S. citizen you read and view news regarding the status of many of today’s issues. During these days and times, it is difficult to decipher what is fact or fiction with the amount of information available to all of us. Information can be used to influence your decisions, thoughts, and actions. Knowing this, it is imperative to make sure we are positive with the information we receive by asking ourselves to consider the facts more than the communicator of the information. Actual information should be analyzed before any actions were taken to communicate. Today there is so much information available through social media, smart phones, and freelance reporters in that it is often reported before investigated. In the past we could rely on specific individuals to give you the facts. Now we may just be getting the information. There is one full sure result of information is that it has consequences. Actual information creates positive, negative, emotional or apathy thoughts. Without looking at the actual analysis of the information anyone of these could be without merit.

I am sure the twist on words, both vocally and in writing, can be used against any of us or associations we are actively involved. By speaking out on these issues for example, I would be coined as having a conflict of interest whereas it is not a conflict but most definitely an interest. Our schools in America have been drawn into question continually by some people who have interest in education but have no knowledge of the education process. We have become a Google society where all information exists. I would like to highlight one senator who has a huge challenge in their state with budget, taxes, and education funding. This person is one of the most frequent critics of career schools.  This senator’s attacks career schools in America in general and doesn’t see the value of career education. His state needs skilled workers. We have all heard of the statement that it is easier to be negative than positive. When someone needs to be noticed with sensationalism by using scapegoats and getting on their bandwagon provides immediate attention. Our country is one that provides a free enterprise system. Our citizens have enjoyed the freedom to use this system with the encouragement of freedom of choice. As an American citizen, I have always admired the freedom of choice by observing our society enjoying alternatives that fit their needs and desires. Education leaders have recognized the needs and desires by creating free public education, private education, sectarian, and vocational education to offer alternatives. While considering all the alternatives, not one but all of these are having to rethink their philosophies to adhere to the stipulated regulations provided by law. 

In a free enterprise system, we are aware it allows for good, bad, and ugly to exist. Be assured that those that fit into the bad and ugly will be singled out and identified. But when we ever generalize religion, race, community, education, or industry as the institution of fault and are scapegoated in history it has proven to be incorrect. Leaders of deceit and wrong doings are the individuals who are misleading. 

What has happened to the old economic rule of supply and demand. Our communities, states, and country all have needs and demands. The free enterprise system needs to have the freedom to meet the supply requirements with good common sense. Career schools from a citizen’s vantage point provides an alternative. Our education systems have in the past solved the supply needs for professional and skilled workers. By providing these alternatives we offer to our citizens the opportunities of employment, work satisfaction and the life, liberty, and freedom our forefathers so sincerely guarded. The conclusion of what we have built is not to tear down but to create, fine tune and improve our commitment for the future. 

My challenge to you the consumer, taxpayer and patriot is to start, if you haven’t already to review and study the information you may be receiving from any leader, professing both negative and positive information. You need to be the decisive user of information for all the right reasons. False leadership provides a platform of leaving a legacy behind for our next generations to clean up. Taking comments and reports from people at face value doesn’t leave much to question except the outcomes of where it has taken us. Looking at education singly, we have students experiencing school and college closures, thousands of teachers being dismissed, communities losing taxpayers, employers desperate for skilled employees and a future pathway that has destruction written all over it. Don’t be surprised when you do your research to find out many of the basis of destructive comments may lack the moral truth of the generalizing of the entire enterprise. The craft of scapegoating and sensationalism is alive and well. Recently I met a gentleman who recently moved out of Illinois because of the state budget issues. He and his family could no longer afford to live in a state that is broke and going downhill fast.  We have all been inundated with what has been called fake news. How accountable are the leaders in states where this condition continues to thrive? On the other hand, look at who their contributors are to their campaigns and see who influences their votes. One senator communicated to the entire nation that career schools are not accredited. I ask you to go to these schools’ websites and see if they are accredited. This person claims people with membership on these accrediting boards have conflict of interest by being part the school industry. How would you like a nursing board to have members of the culinary industry or tax lawyers? Have you looked at your senator or representative on how they vote in congress and see how large donors may affect outcomes. The simple solution is to become an educated citizen on who your elected officials are and how they vote which affects all those who need to know. Don’t aspire to follow on emotion alone by the rhetoric written or spoken without the facts you have gathered. 

Be careful with people who pass vendettas for proprietary schools and cast vengeance on their accreditation organizations by communicating they are not accredited. As people know this was a false statement where they are accredited in most cases by national accreditors approved by the US Department of Education. Rhetoric is used for impact No attention was given to the teachers and students education in the schools and only had a concern for proprietary schools having conflict of interest in their membership in the accreditation organizations with their votes. Campaign donations may be a conflict of interest. I will leave it up to you on how you would assess 39 million dollars donated from interest groups and how an elected official keeps their integrity when voting on issues regarding their funders. One of the U.S. Senators had a state that operated two years without a budget. This state had 250 billion dollars in pension liability. Medicaid payments were not being paid. Lottery tickets were not distributed in a state because of the lack of confidences to pay out the winning funds. This only exemplifies the issues that are carried over to the Federal government. We have bailed out entire industries and destroyed others. What was the influence that caused these decisions?

Find your congress representatives or senators and see how they stack up in your state and are they have your key interest at heart. A country that has been based on the consciousness of the importance of education at all levels creates a healthy and prosperous country. When we ignore our supply and demand education gaps become issues. Blanket statements on how to destroy which offers not well-thought-out solutions makes for false hopes from citizens who have put their trust in these leaders. You will see below just one leader who has focused on destruction for many of the alternative’s citizens have enjoyed. 

The ills of student loan debt exist at all levels and institutions. The hierarchy of education has resulted in chaos with our education institutions in the middle. 

Questions to be answered:

1. Over regulation and equity of regulations?
2. Education funding responsibility and equity of funding? (federal, state, local, private)?
3. Institutions responding to supply and demand?
4. Competency based curriculum.
5. Faculty and teacher performance based upon fair and empirical research?
6. Building potential out of diversity? 
7. Standardized Test value or purpose?
8. Personalized education (measuring from baseline intervals to outcomes?
9. Accepting and improving online education alternatives?
10. Gatekeepers for education excellence vs. student finances?
11. Teacher compensation not based on number of years but on achievement.
12. Small and large business partnerships with all levels of schools written into the curriculum?
13. Utilizing research that highlights symptoms of innovation success and culprits that may be the enduring factors of failure?
14. How to create a well thought out strategic plan which may be destroyed by lack of funding?

While moving forward in our great country these issues and more need to be considered and solved with the diversity of leadership that exists in all the alternatives. Track records of leadership should not be measured by media reports but should be from your sincerity to review the facts. When leaders have a big stage, we may overlook their success or it could be it has been some time since you had time to hear or see them locally. Elections are not about one or two people but are key to all of us to know why we are voting for any candidate. Know their platform and check to see they are fulfilling their promises. Your opinion and vote is a freedom we don’t want to give up. An unintelligent vote is just as bad. Please be assured you know what and who you are voting for!

Your Future is not in the Rearview Mirror

No matter the age you are today, your station in life may be the people who have influenced you up to this point. If you are younger it could be your peers or family that has been the guiding post of who you think you are in life. As you get older your experiences with more people increase. These moments in life result in high points and low for all of us. My life has had its share of ups and downs but one thing is for sure I have been blessed with all of them. During my high school graduation reunion, I was asked by a classmate whatever happened to me? They explained that if they were to vote on who was the most likely to never succeed in life it was me. His question to me, was what changed my life? My only response to this question is people.

My journey in life has helped me become a better servant leader of others by recognizing people’s strengths over weaknesses. These strengths may not have been all academic but were a host of soft skills, cognitive skills, tactile skills, common sense skills, health, and hygiene, coping skills, problem-solving, family, fatherhood, and faith.

• 

  Potential

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  from student to teacher

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  Family around the table

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  People who believed in you

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  Value Added

It has been my pleasure to join other mentors each week to support young men fourteen to eighteen at an alternative high school. Looking at them each week up close and personal you can see their expectations of themselves are what their family and peers expect of them. If that is true they don’t understand their own potential in life. A question for you about your life have you been all-in? Reviewing your journey provides fuel for your future. Are you all in or just satisfied?

As we approach each day we encounter rocks on the road.

Climbing to Success!

Each of us will encounter some or all of these rocks in the road which can dampen your ability to meet with success. Some of these pronounce immediately failure for those who give up to the blocks in front of us. Remember what my classmate said what happened to you. There wasn’t faith in my peers that I could achieve success in conquering these rocks in the road. Your search should be for people who don’t enable your failures but they need to encourage your ability to persevere. People who have experienced success in their lives have conquered the rocks in the road. All of these successful people have experienced wisdom from people they have met in their life to model and mentor successful practices to enjoy achieving their goals. Assuredly we know the structural needs with education, hard-work, discipline, motivation, endurance and personal faith to build your foundation life skills. Even with these accomplishments each successful person will report to you the key people in their lives who modeled and mentored them.

Street School

In conclusion, I recommend for us who work with people to improve their lives needs to encourage them to surround themselves with positive mentors and models to understand the pitfalls in life and how to avoid them. Keep your eye on the prize and people who can help you with their practices which brought them to the table of success.

Society is in need of more mentors!

Who Should Pay The Bill

College Endowments and the Cost of Education

by Gary R. Carlson

If I asked you, what is a college endowment and what do they do? When there is a call for more funding for higher education, there is an equity policy between wealthy people with both physical and financial assets and those serving a student body of first-time college students in their families. When the request for funds lands on the government’s doorstep how do the consumers know the need of each institution? Over the years many college campuses have acquired large amounts of money by fundraising. How large you may ask? These are the twenty largest endowments today in America.

SOURCE: National Center for Education Statistics. (2022). Table 333.90. Endowment funds of the 120 degree-granting postsecondary institutions with the largest endowments, by rank order: The fiscal year 2020 [Data table]. In Digest of education statistics. U.S. Department of Education, Institute of Education Sciences. Retrieved August 22, 2022, from https://nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d21/tables/dt21_333.90.asp?current=yes.

In the billions and growing. I talk with parents and students weekly about the high cost of education. There has always been a quandary with teacher and faculty salaries and the financial burdens placed on families to afford college. Government student loans have not proven to be the answer in that the balance of the tuition loans has continued to make it offensive to the starting incomes of the graduates. Education has become so expensive the low-middle class and the middle-class student will not be able to attend. Pressures on students for academic scholarships and athletics are what many parents are putting pressure on to attend college after secondary school. There seem to be a lot of promises during the election years about the importance of school. We all know the answer has been higher tuition and loans that are almost impossible to pay off. For colleges the answer is to recruit and put more bodies into the seats for their tuition dollars. I have observed this trend for over 50 years. Revealed in these statistics is that colleges in general can raise money. They could be non-profit and acquire more funds than schools that are for-profit. The mystery isn’t a mystery at all. The emphasis has been on putting the burden of obtaining an education beyond belief on the consumer. How many times have you heard any politician say the future of our country is in the education our citizens will have available to them in quality and quantity. Mainstream America is being forced out of the opportunity when all cost is rising Most Americans have felt hopeless about what they can do to change this dilemma. It has become a priority in college organizations to increase enrollments, hire adjunct faculty versus full-time, have graduate assistants teach undergraduates to save money, tenured faculty teach two classes a semester, focus on research versus the improvement of instruction, screen students who are more likely to be completers, create financial barriers to entice more influential students than those who come from families who have never had anyone attend a post-secondary school. Let’s stop there but there is obviously more. 

If you were asked as an American citizen as to the priorities of post-secondary schools. How knowledgeable would you be with the outcomes of any of these schools? Ask yourself these questions:

1. What is the average daily attendance by class and program?
2. What is the ratio of success by subject with pass and failure?
3. What is student retention by cohort class?
4. What is student retention by the program?
5. What is the average faculty member providing face time with students?
6. Other than Liberal Arts what is the job placement in the field in each graduating class? 
7. What is the ratio of students continuing to the following degree level?
8. What are the ratios of students on a student loan program? (By program)
9. What are the percentages of salaries for college administration, athletic coaches’ faculty, and staff?
10. What is the average age of faculty and staff.?

The most disappointing fact is that all these questions should be measured and quantified each year. 

I am not a proponent of free school or college, but I am a proponent of equity and reasonability for all American families should have the ability and opportunity to fulfill their education dreams by persevering a sought-after education. This article is to mainly to get you thinking. No matter where you are in life, a senior citizen, or a member of any of the generations today you should be on board to improve and not bury your heads in the sand on what should be expected from our colleges. As you can see by the introduction of this article it would be hard to understand that money could be an issue in some of these schools. When it comes to priorities, we must understand that income from athletics to any great degree professionally is a very small percentage. If you were to do a graduate income from the cost of an athletic program versus a student-athlete post-graduate income, we would close that business down. NIL is now available for student-athletes. This also is an opportunity created for the few and benefits the business organization. 

It is time to look at the system and create what produces the best outcomes for all potential students based on their mission of quality, service, and compliance.

Our future is in the hands of today’s leaders. It is up to us to ask the right questions!

September 27, 2022

Alternative High School in Omaha, Nebraska

Starting on the first Friday after Labor Day three mentors and I will begin the school year working with a group of young men at the school.

Introduction: It is a pleasure each year to serve as a mentor to these young men ages fourteen to eighteen. We are blessed to share our life experiences and successes with the students at the Street School. The attendees at the school haven’t met with much success in their lives at a school. In most cases, they have been suspended or expelled from their schools. It is a mission and goal for our mentors to inspire these students to reach new horizons in their lives. During this journey this school year we will be sharing success stories from this school and challenges to better acquaint you with the promising achievements of these students.

We look forward to allowing you to look through the looking glass of a volunteer and how maybe you could become that same volunteer in your community.

The first report will be after the last Friday of each month.

Talk to you soon!

2022 School Year

Week 2

Last week we were graced with fifteen young men ages 15 to 18. All have been removed from their home school and now are attending an alternative school. Our first session was focused on truth and lies. All but one of the young men did not like school. From the information, we as mentors received it was our decision to pursue the topic of how to reverse this feeling about school. We had seven mentors who were coaching us on the importance of completing high school education. Comparisons were presented between those who finish high school and those that don’t. The discussion was focused on how important it is to be ALL IN to succeed. We accepted they were committed but probably committed to the wrong things. If they get up in the morning and don’t go to school and play video games they probably are committed to being lazy and not bettering themselves. Commitment alone is about being devoted, committed, and have a passion for improvement in their lives. We are blessed to have mentors from all walks of life and an immense amount of knowledge of life experience.

1. Mentor/served over ten years in prison
2. Mentor/served in prison and has become a pastor
3. Mentor/serves as an estimator for a large construction company
4. Mentor/serves jail ministry and is a young man who has come through the Juvenile system
5. Mentor/serves as a Professor and Department Head for Creighton Unversity in speech.
6. Mentor/serves and has been working with students and young adults in education for over 55years.
7. Two of the mentors have advanced graduate degrees.

What makes this work is the curriculum that is used and the diversity of the group which represents all minorities and a multitude of experiences.

Coaching has been styled after the “Pacific Institute.”

Looking forward to next week. Mentors will report back to you in two weeks. No school this week.

Keep the Faith!

U.S. Department of Education Takes Action

it would be important to revisit why President Carter instituted the U.S. Department of Education:

Primary responsibility for education should rest with those States, localities, and private institutions that have made our Nation’s educational system the best in the world, but the Federal Government has for too long failed to play its own supporting role in education as effectively as it could. Instead of assisting school officials at the local level, it has too often added to their burden. Instead of setting a strong administrative model, the Federal structure has contributed to bureaucratic buck passing. Instead of simulating needed debate of educational issues, the Federal Government has confused its role of junior partner in American education with that of silent partner.

ACICS a national accreditor has been given notice by the federal government they would no longer be under recognition by the Department of Education. This dilemma for schools and colleges has been in the path for several years. Some of these schools have stayed with ACICS, some schools have closed, and others sought other accreditation opportunities. For the ones who are left with ACICS, the ugly hat has rose again. Is this a time when they fold their tent and move on to survive or close the doors and leave? The recent comments have been by authorities it won’t affect that many schools. “No Big Deal”, By not taking sides on these issues. I beg to differ with that comment. When schools close the financial dominoes begin to fall. No matter how many schools there are the affects to teachers, students, employers, and communities can be devastating. We should never look at the diminishing of any school with a myopic view with a statement like it won’t affect that many schools. The auspices should be on how you perpetuate the longevity of good schools to have them continue their good practices. Guilty by association doesn’t work with all the members of a club or organization. When researching many of these schools they have never had any intent of nothing-else but serving students. I applaud their dedication, commitment and fortitude for how they courageously always placed their students first.

What ever the outcomes for these schools caught in the dilemma that means they will have to expend more funds away from their students for new accreditation means a heavy burden for some of the smaller community schools. The dependence on these schools in small communities for skilled workers could be overwhelming. I represent in my teaching days that you never punish the entire class for the wrong doing of a few students. This application applies to tis situation. What has been more genuine and precious than a good school.

gcarlson-inc.com

The Whole Truth Nothing But the Truth So Help Me God

So much has been discussed, cussed, and evaluated regarding our school and college existence in the United States. Schools at all levels are often measured on student success without the variables that may affect success as it will be measured from a silo perception. Article after article is presented with philosophies of bias and conjecture about what is the best and what is the worst opportunities for students in America. As an educator and feeling the brunt of the articles produced I find that some go on without the true appreciation of teachers and without regard to what school or institution they are providing education. My perspective comes from over fifty years of commitment and dedication to respecting instruction in America. During this journey, it has been a pleasure to take part in all aspects of the delivery systems available to our population. These experiences span from public schools, secondary education, special education, career schools, advanced placement, poverty area schools, higher education, private, nonprofit, and for-profit. The fortune of this life experience is the opportunity to meet great teachers in all of these systems.

Our school year is starting for all these school organizations and there now is an outbreak of a shortage of teachers throughout the country. Deficits are existing in our delivery systems of education at all levels.  This phenomenon has happened over the last several decades. The decay has been influenced by extraneous factors where schools received punitive restraints and demise on operations that had no relevance to what the teachers were accomplishing but only on school leadership practices of potential fraud, integrity, politics, and fear.

When you review negative press regarding the institutions making the news you find the majority of the dropping of the gauntlet on them was not a result of bad education or unqualified teachers. What happened was a vigilante approach that had effects on teachers and students. I am sure we would agree it would be appropriate to attack any lack of integrity concerning honesty, harmful treatment, fraud, or illegal practices. The old cliche is we don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater. The condemnation of our schools has done just that.

Any organization or school operation operates with risk factors. The participants attending any school can determine what these risk factors may be. You cannot have a blind eye to the fact that institutions that cherry-pick their students by recruitment or by geographical location can either increase the chances of potential positive outcomes or decreases them by the willingness to embrace the high risk. Treatment of an education platform with human capital and finances will always have to be approached considering the bedrock of need. From this basis of the fundamental principles, we can begin to measure growth in outcomes from a baseline.

When politics become involved with the need for the patronage of the voting community while providing the opportunity to acclaim guidance through fear and scapegoating to the innocent constitutes provides harm to students in America.

This is not a point where “we should have or could have”, but is a time we can learn why we are in a desperate situation in need to provide best practices to the students young and old in America. Historically when it came to business or American commerce there was a consideration for the common good of the country. In the case of the American education system, the common good is overlooked. Thousands of jobs, students, employers, and families have been negatively affected by the abrupt closing of many schools in America. Please note that there were very few if any charges of how bad of education these students were getting. The focus was on high student loan interest, the integrity of leadership, and questionable business practices.

The heart of the school’s success rests with leadership and great teachers. Sadly there has been the closure of some great schools and the loss of teachers and leaders. Where did the students go who had hope of education that would change their lives? What happened to the great teacher leaving the profession in large numbers?

 

Here are a few comments from teachers from the National Education Association “NEA News”

“Survey: Alarming Number of Educators May Soon Leave the Profession”

That is it. This is making us tired and fed up. The destructive behaviors and disrespect will not be addressed. Every child deserves a safe place to learn and teachers a safe place to work, and that is not the case in our schools right now.

I agree. The disrespect is unprecedented and most parents are of little help. When students are sent to the office, administrators just give them warning after warning. The students know there are never any REAL consequences.

it’s almost like they want the system to fail. Here in Vegas, the big fights are almost daily occurrences and no one says anything productive.

That is exactly why I want to leave. I am so over it. I am a special education teacher and have been teaching for 36 years. I have decided to retire at the end of this school year. The last 2 years have been the hardest years for my teaching. We do not have enough tutors for my students to be able to adequately function in a classroom. I have had to be a tutor and teacher to my students at the same time this year. The stress this school year has been more than I have experienced during my entire career. I am sad to end my teaching career because I love teaching but the excess work and stress have broken me this year. I know many teachers I work with who have a lot less teaching experience than me and who are thinking of leaving the profession even teachers with 2-5 years of experience.

We cannot deny or endorse all of these comments but we must know that these impressions are not diminishing but growing across the board of our education community. I have to admit that when I joined the profession over fifty years ago my aspirations were positive and intentional to make a difference. What are the reasons why teachers today stay in the profession or want to go into the profession? Very simply it is not about constructing more rules but it is directly affiliated with support, pay, and development. The first to see this trend become a tragic dilemma will be our public neighborhood schools. Teachers will discover the best places to enjoy appreciation and support or leave the profession completely. Our schools are a national treasure. It is the responsibility to see through the distractions of sensational journalism that provides only fear and anger without solutions. The preservation of a society depends on education alternatives.

Gary R Carlson

https://gcarlson-inc.com

 

From the Blog Post on Pride or Prejudice

How Were Families Meant to Be

(Days are long and Life is short)

The meaning of family: Any group of people closely related by blood or marriage, such as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins. (From dictionary.com)

The traditional family is the formation of interlocking circles of influence. Actual intentions for the family unit have each circle with determined roles. Family relationships provide resources that can help an individual cope with stress, engage in healthier behaviors, and enhance self-esteem, leading to higher well-being. Taking a closer look at society and what has happened over many years has been the degradation of the family’s intended purpose of providing a healthier lifestyle. Children feel secure and loved when they have strong and positive family relationships. Positive family relationships help families resolve conflict, work as a team, and enjoy each other’s company. Positive family relationships are built on quality time, communication, teamwork, and appreciation of each other. Societies resemble the success of family unit applications by fulfilling the intended roles each member play. These are the building blocks of society. Families play a compelling role in social development. Parenthood bears the primary obligation to introduce a philosophy of education and socialization as well as instill values of citizenship and belonging to a society. A parent can help you deal with stress by giving you a sense of peace, purpose, and forgiveness. It often becomes more important in times of emotional stress or illness.

These expectations when they are gone unheeded create the demise of civilization and society. A family can improve our confidence and make us feel loved. This becomes the foundation of strength that never falter but instead keeps us strong in becoming better people.

A family composes the learning of values of love, respect, faith, hope, caring, cultures, traditions, and everything else that concerns us through our families. The publication “Inner Change”, who has coined the saying “Raise Standards, Heal Families”, Outlined its position on family roles:

Common Family Roles

The following are several roles that can exist within a family:

• Hero: This is the “good” and “responsible” child. This person is a high achiever, carries the pride of the family, and he/she overcompensates to avoid looking or feeling inadequate. He/she is often a good leader and organizer and is goal-oriented and self-disciplined. Sometimes the hero lacks the ability to play, relax, follow others, or allow others to be right.
• Rescuer: The rescuer takes care of others’ needs and emotions and problem-solves for others in the family. The rescuer might have difficulty with conflict. He/she takes on the role of rescuer in the name of helping others, though it is often to meet his/her own needs, such as relieving anxiety. This person doesn’t realize that sometimes helping hurts. He/she also lives with a lot of guilt and finds it challenging to focus on him/herself.
• Mediator: The mediator can be a rescuer-type although he/she works to keep peace in the family system. This person does the emotional work of the family to avoid conflict. He/she acts as a buffer, and does it in the name of helping others, although it may be for his/her needs. This can be a healthy role depending on how the person mediates.
• Scapegoat/Black sheep: This is the person the other family members feel needs the most help. Usually, this is the family member in need of treatment or in treatment. This person often shows the obvious symptoms of the family being unable to work through problems. The person may have strengths such as a sense of humor, a greater level of honesty, and the willingness to be close to his/her feelings. Yet there can also be an inappropriate expression of feelings, and the person may experience social or emotional problems.
• Switchboard: This person is the central information center in the family. He/she keeps track of what’s going on by being aware of who is doing what and when. This person has strength in being the central person to go to and understanding how the family is doing. However, this person focuses on everyone else’s issues rather than his/her own.
• The power broker: This person works at maintaining a hierarchy in the family with him/herself at the top. His/her safety and security in life depend on feeling in control of the environment around him/her.
• Lost child: The lost child is the subservient good child. He/she is obedient, passive, and hidden in the family trauma. He/she stays hidden to avoid being a problem. Generally, this person is flexible and easygoing. However, he/she lacks direction, is fearful in making decisions, and follows without questioning.

Clown: The clown uses humor to offset the family conflict and to create a sense that things are okay. This person has a talent to readily lighten the moment, but he/she hides his/her true feelings.

Cheerleader: The cheerleader provides support and encouragement to others. There is usually balance in taking care of his/her own needs while providing a positive influence on those around him/her.

Nurturer: This person provides emotional support, creates safety, is available to others, and can be a mediator. He/she focuses on having and meeting emotional needs, usually in a balanced manner.

Thinker: The thinker provides the objective, reasoning focus. His/her strength is being able to see situations in a logical, objective manner. However, he/she may find it difficult to connect emotionally with others.

Truthteller: This person reflects the system as it is. At times the challenge is how that information is relayed. Other members in the family might be offended or avoid the truthteller because of the power of the truth he/she holds. Strength occurs when this person is coupled with another positive role, such as a nurturer or cheerleader.

After reading these roles, ask yourself which ones you identify with and what ones would you like to see more of in your family. After being a mentor, coach, and teacher for many years I have come to complete confidence that the family contains the capability of shaping society. Historically, our neighborhoods that were inbred resembled the values and cultures that existed at the time. From your point of view, what are the variables that have most affected the circumvention of the roles of the family today? What plan would you foresee to educate the natural roles of a family dynamic?

Share this point of view and have your discussion of ideas to ponder.

Until another day, “Peace”

Gary R. Carlson

https://gcarlson-inc.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

Narcissism and Entitlement

(inordinate fascination with oneself)

Narcissism. 

(Inordinate fascination with oneself)

The word narcissism comes from a German psychiatrist close to 200 years ago. Over this time the flavor of the word is used primarily with negative connotations. Over the past 20 years, researchers have reported the increase of narcissism has grown by 30%. A behavior that over the years was used by the psychiatric and psychology community.

 Each day what seems to affect you most on how you think, behave, act, or opinion. How should we reach conclusions by translating the communications we are receiving verbally, through social media, in news media or in written journalism? Where do most of these influences come from and how can you trust them? When we draw conclusions, it comes from the mediums mentioned but how do we weigh the validity? Is it because they are friends, family, knowledgeable people, faith-based people, teachers, or unknowns? The discoveries on this blog are not to pass judgment but are only to present facts that are backed by research or factual proof. There will not be a focus on one entity but will be only on the day-to-day discovery that might be of interest to you. 

It is our hope you will be comfortable with the truth and use your inalienable freedom to change and contradict the untruths with the truth. A society that exists on knowledge and truth can make a future of hope, joy, love, and eternal wisdom. So, I invite you to join us on our journey of articles to make you think and hopefully gain enough knowledgeable information to reach your informed conclusions.

Societal conditions are a result of years of how we weigh the value-added result of how you spend time on new information. If there is no immediate gratification or reward, when we experience a community with a lack of interest in collaborating with the challenges in front of us creates a danger zone of entitlement.

You will be interested in how Narcissism, may cause the behavior of problems that it creates in our society today.  Narcissism has grown over the last twenty years by 30 percent. Narcissists portray themselves as vulnerable woe is me, they think they are misunderstood and a need for them to be seen as how smart I really am. They have this idea they are very special. It is a figment of their imagination. They tend to downplay the accomplishments of other people. They see these people as threats. Because of the delusional threats they put other people down. If you have a friend who has these traits, you will see a lack of empathy for those who threaten them with their accomplishments. If you have a narcissistic friend, you may feel like they are in competition with you. The narcissist will receive cues from friends that discount their behavior as harmful, but they just don’t care. You will see they continue to behave in the same manner repeatedly. They are legends in their own mind. They have a habit of not accepting accountability. It takes a professional to diagnose narcissism. But the researchers have shown that the characteristics of this trait have been snowballing in America.

Dr. Jean M. Twenge and Dr. Keith Campbell, have written a book on “The Narcissism Epidemic”, which has given us new insight into entitlements. How does narcissism affect our social lives? People can care about the common good but are extremely selfish. The cost of social narcissism in America is corporate leaders who take big risks and destroy companies, white-collar crime with a lack of integrity, spouses who are unfaithful, parents who use their children as props to make themselves look good, and you must always look better than your friends. Narcissism is like the flu where everyone around you gets the flu, and you feel good about yourself.

Does narcissism exist in our political leaders today? Just considering presidents narcissism has increased each election going back sixty years. Grandstanding on issues will get me some kudos so I will get re-elected. The media has had much to do with the opportunity to exploit narcissism. Media has become channelized, so people seek the confidence exposed to narcissistic behavior. These people usually are hypersensitive to criticism. These behaviors can be harmful when you go to work, and you want your employees to suck up to you and you want everyone to do a high five with you because of how great you are. You may get away with this but then when you expect your friends and acquaintances to do the same thing plus, your family they begin to draw the line. Most of the time we think of narcissism as something bad. Grandiose narcissists are very good at starting new relationships, they are confident and charismatic, but later they may be more likely to cheat, a little manipulative, and more likely to be controlling. These people become leaders and the tell-tale issue with these leaders is that they may be narcissistic and take big risks, do things to get attention, and may have ethical challenges that may bring them down. One area where narcissism may show up as its greatest benefit is social media. People who are narcissistic tend to have more friends on social media, they are more active, they take more selfies, and we think of social media without narcissism it would be worthless. Today you can get on your phone and film yourself and put it in front of the world.

All of this has led teachers, coaches, and mentors not to allow themselves to not be shallow in their relationships but to exist for the betterment of the common good. The goal is how to focus your reputation on how to be a good person. What have we learned on how not to allow our ego to take control of our life?

Mentors of Bethany in America a nonprofit organization has created a blueprint for putting egos aside to serve those people who operate on the side of humanity who primarily may have had low self-esteem. Men, women, and youth across the community coming from all walks of life have welcomed the challenge of communicating the personable philosophy of love, hope, joy, and faith to enjoy their lives in family, community, and relationships. These mentors have given of themselves not expecting anything in return. Their vision is the restoration of family and a positive lifestyle for their participants. Their leadership by coaching has little expectations of self-gratification. What may be a distraction to the achievements of these types of successes is the enticement of narcissism with the measures of personal gratification appearance, control, self-entitlement, and the seclusion of not recognizing the culprit of habit that is fueled by our own narcissism. It is narcissism that may be the ingredient that causes us to succeed in our lives but when it becomes the essential factor in our lives for existence it is then when it becomes harmful. Mentors don’t live a life of “it is all about me”. A narcissist has issues with empathy. To break the cycle of homelessness, poverty, absentee fathers, addiction, alcoholism, and crime, society needs to adjust their thinking to share the talents they possess by financially supporting programs that encourage people to regain their self-esteem, family unit, fatherhood, motherhood, work-ethic, integrity, and spirituality. This country started with these values and now it is time to regain this philosophy for those who have been lost in the progress of a nation. In your lifetime have you experienced those individuals who continually share their blessings and rewards of life by avoiding the trap of entitlement? When society transcends into a journey that isn’t as encumbered by the balance of justice or writing another law or creating punitive measures to change lives produces an environment of healthy change. Great teachers, mentors, and coaches are all formally committed to developing the individuals they are creating a relationship to succeed.

The culture of an aspect of not only instructing society but listening to the society and narrowing down the “why” of negative conditions and how cognizance of sensible change would create long-term success. All of us must understand that societies establish themselves over many years of economics, politics, family, education, governance, integrity, faith, jurisprudence, and learned biases. A good plan to address each of the societal ills is to formulate a sensitivity to how and why we are where we are in life and prioritize the steps of creating a better social norm for our citizens in our world. Avoid narcissistic individualism but cast a vision of humility for all of humanity.

Many great programs are making a difference in building a better life. There are current programs that are addressing and successfully making a difference in our communities. Mentors of Bethany in America is just one of the organizations that have shown great progress with people in need. (Contact https://mentorsofbethany.org) (100 Black Men of Omaha Inc., https://facebook.com/100BMO) ( Achieving Balanced Well-Being, https://thepacificinstitute.com) Please make contact with any of these programs for your community. The only change that works is by the trust people have in you. Spread the word! The best variable of positive change comes from the people who are willing to embrace their family, neighbors, citizens, and life with care.

Dr. Gary R Carlson

Email: gary@gcarlson-inc.com

https://gcarlson-inc.com

Zach

by Dr. Gary R. Carlson

When looking back on our journey in life some things make us smile, cry, be angry, motivated, depressed, and sometimes just plain happy to be alive. During the years I have expressed the value of Mentors of Bethany in America and the volunteers and staff who devote time, money, and energy to fill the gaps some of our society has missed out on in their life journey. A small group of people had the idea of originating a nonprofit organization to approach societal challenges that had been haunting communities for decades. The numbers of people with addictions, incarcerations, homelessness, alcoholism, deadbeat fathers, dysfunctional families, poverty, high school dropouts, and a lack of faith. So many of the current tactics to meet the needs of these societal diseases were by enabling other poor behaviors or implementing punitive measures on the afflicted. It was evident and apparent our approaches were not working. Budgets for welfare and imprisonment were growing each year. Recidivism for people labeled into these categories would be taken out of the roles with success but only to return after a period when facing life skills challenges. As the originator of the nonprofit and the executive director, I am stepping down to focus on mentoring high school dropouts and will be turning over the operations and board relationships to the people in charge of the future of Mentors of Bethany in America. Over the past five years, the approach and coaching techniques used by the mentors have provided some astounding success which some would call miracles. Before I continue one step further you need to know the methodology, content, and relationships do not constitute punitive measures or empty handouts that only require participants to ask for more so they become relying on material items from the stipends given by the old systems.

The programs are implemented and thriving in open-door missions, jails, street schools, neighborhoods, and partners in serving these participants. Without question, this approach has found true longevity success even with some of the most hardcore participants. Each year more and more volunteers join the ranks to be a mentor. The target focus is to continue to offer enough mentors to curb the societal ills that have been so prevalent. Secondarily, it is with the donations coming from the public to organize, support, and expand the reach of Mentors of Bethany in America to others in our society. After reading just one of many testimonies experienced by our mentors I would hope you could find the means to donate to this change agent that is less costly than the jails, welfare, and justice system requirements of social work, visiting nurses, and probation officers, and court systems. By no means are we advocating the elimination of these roles but do understand the caseloads of these people are so high that cases become paperwork on someone’s desk. Mentorship is based on relationships that are sustained through a lifetime and has payback potential from the participant’s success in the future.https//mentorsofbethany.org

What you are about to read is a story of a young man who came to our program in 2019. We will just refer to him as Zach. Zach showed up on our doorstep from Minneapolis, Minnesota. Without too much detail, Zach was a troubled young man addicted to alcohol and drugs. By his addictions, he was an angry person. The mentor program discovered immediately how much potential this person had to offer. Here was a twenty-three-year-old who by all rights probably could have been induced into crime and the criminal court system. Not only has Zach thrived, but he still is in constant touch with his mentor. This relationship will be one for a lifetime. Please read Zach’s testimony to me in an email sent recently. After reading Zach’s testimony there will be a summary of his steps to peace and freedom in his life.

Gary,

I apologize for the delay in getting back to you! I hope you had a great time in Arizona. I hope all is well with you, your family, and the rest of the men. 

A little update on how life is going: I am currently living in Jacksonville, Florida for the summer. I am doing a three-month internship with a general contractor called Archer Western. I am on a heavy civil interstate/bridge project that is right above 200 million. The company was voted 2nd best heavy civil company in a popular engineering poll in 2021. In the middle of August, I will be heading back to Phoenix to start classes back up at ASU. I’m currently sitting with a 3.95 GPA. I ended up getting a high B in an online stats class last semester, I was extremely close to getting an A… I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for that one. I have 2 years left until I graduate from ASU with a Bachelor of Science Degree in Construction Management and Technology. I just got the news that I received two 4,000-dollar academic scholarships from ASU for my grades that I can use this year and next year. So, 4,000 each year. I am extremely grateful for that because college is not cheap as you all know! I am attending a church called “Living Word Bible Church” back in Mesa, it’s a great church! I actually really enjoy going there every Sunday. If you get the chance, look them up on YouTube. The two brothers that are the pastors have a daily bible study on YouTube that is supposed to be the number one on YouTube in the world. I am not certain where I want to go next after I graduate, it all depends on the opportunities that God presents in my way at that point in my life. All I know is that they will be great, and I will feel blessed. My family is doing well. My Dad asks every now and again if I still keep in touch with you. Other than that, life is going very well! Make sure you tell Eric I say hello and that I hope everything is well with him and his business! Also, tell all the men I say hello and that I hope all is well on their end! I can’t thank you guys enough for the mentoring and the time you’ve put into me and the rest of the men out there. I know it has helped shaped my life tremendously. I am very grateful for everything you’ve done. Nothing but love to you all! 

Zach 

It is with great pride we congratulate Zach on his journey. While Zach was in Omaha he met with the CEO of a construction company arranged by a mentor and spent some quality time with him to make his decision on construction management. Zach’s reference to Eric was a person who has become an additional mentor for him. This article could be much longer if we were to add other testimonies. Today Mentors of Bethany in America organization is serving men, women, and youth ages 14 to 18. It is with the power of our faith in God that we all profess by Luke:10 27.